Secret Desires of the Heart

“May He grant you according to your heart’s desire, And fulfill all your purpose.” Psalm 20:4 

Wow, such a brilliant expression of God’s love for us!  This particular verse in Psalm 20:4 is so sweetly simplistic on the surface, but also deeply complex.  As I was studying Psalm 20, which is a short, yet powerful reminder of God’s victorious hand in every victory, it also reminds us that we must be obedient and pursue HIM.  In this, I realized that I found conviction within myself.  I realize that in my personal prayers, I fervently pray for my family, friends, current conditions, broken countries, against disease and ailments, for revival in dead hearts, and I boldly pray for our GOD not only work His miracles, but to make us aware and be astonished by the  miracles only HE can speak into existence.  Personally, I pray for my obedience, cleansing, correction, transformation, etc., but when it comes to my personal desires, I realize how little I ask.  In fact, I find that I stuff those desires deep down inside.  Why is that?  My dear friend reminded us in our weekly Women’s Bible Study that only God creates desire.  Satan cannot create desire, but he manipulates and corrupts our desires.  So that struck me even more…  If I have any desires at all, I must hand those desires over to God for He is my stronghold, protector, and ultimately wants the loveliest of the lovely for His children.  Taking it even further, if I don’t trust God with my sacred hearts’ desires, those beautiful desires could find their way into the hands of the wicked one and he will use them in evil, harmful, and hurtful ways.

So that brings me back to why is it so hard to ask for the desires of my heart?  On the surface, society has influenced our mindsets, as well as the way we are raised, teaching and empowering us to reach and aspire for what we desire through our own merit and hard work, building our kingdom of success on our own strength and drive.  Our focus and center is so earthly-bound.  But what if we dare to think, live, and dream with an eternal heaven-bound heart with GOD at the very center of it all?  How differently would that change our pursuits and how we chase after them?  Furthermore, I also think subconsciously, the less we ask for concerning our own desires, is our way of safe-guarding our hearts from disappointment, rejection, and failure.  But if that is the case, what does that say about our perception of GOD’s big, beautiful heart and faith in His mighty, powerful hands?

When I was stumbling along in darkness, I used to have these secret little desires that I dared not say out aloud, or if I did, it was over-shadowed with cynical, humorous utterances.  One of the things I used to hopelessly desire was to make a living doing what I love; to be able to use my gift of music to comfort broken, lonely hearts.  I used to say, “I don’t want to be rich or famous, I just want to be able to make a living doing what I love…”.  In those times, I wasn’t on “speaking terms” with GOD.  I was hurt by my false perception of who I thought GOD was.  I was so alone because of my perception of where GOD wasn’t.  And I was angry because I thought God wasn’t listening.

IMG_0072“Lord, my every desire is known to You; my sighing is not hidden from You.” Psalms 38:9

But HE was listening, HE did see me, and HE never left me!  Now as I fight to follow HIS narrow path, illuminated in HIS light, as the scales are peeled away, moment by moment, day by day, I see more an more clearly all of YAHWEH’s victories in my life.  Long before I began to pursue HIM with a thirsty, longing heart, HE was pursuing me; and yet, GOD being a perfect gentleman that HE is, waited patiently for HIS lost sheep.  GOD gave me that secret desire of my heart.  When I thought HE wasn’t listening, HE was not only listening, but laying out the “wandering” breadcrumbs of my life’s path.  In my life today, I work full time with my church family and among other things, I am a Praise & Worship Leader.  GOD has showered me with HIS provision and awakened the pure joy that HE placed inside me, which comes fully alive through HIS anointed gift of music to me.  And with that gift, I am blessed over and over by having a way to worship HIM and praise HIM in ways I never could express through my words or even writing.

When I think of all the times I secretly whispered or dreamed of various desires, I now see that not even one thing could ever be hidden from GOD.  HE is light and there is no darkness in light, so how can there be secrets from GOD?  Each time we bring things to light on our own, such freedom and reward follows!  No matter how silly it seems, ask your FATHER in heaven above.  HE has the ultimate birds-eye view and the best hearing ever!

Sometimes I think he even grants the silly utterances because HIS love is so affectionate and HE does have a sense of humor.  For instance, here’s one of the ways that I think GOD showed me HIS humor.  I remember in my old career, I had just gotten into the office and I was getting coffee in the break room.  My previous boss walked in, looked down and burst out laughing. I quickly realized I had yet to change into my high heels and so there I stood with my business suit and my converse!  So of course I made light of the awkward moment and said, “but how cool would it be if we could where chucks or flip flops to work everyday?” Guess what?  Now nearly everyday I wear chucks or flip flops in my day to day service to the LORD!

But all kidding and light-heartedness aside, back to the Psalm 20:4.  The second half says “And fulfill all your purpose”.  GOD created everything that we see and don’t see.  HE created desire and placed it in each and every one of us to seek the purpose HE has in store for us.  If our desires do not ultimately bring glory to GOD, we can’t expect for HIM to give us HIS blessing in that; in fact, how loving would that be?  From nearly the very beginning of time, with that single disobedient act in “the Garden”, sin was born and the twisting of GOD’s beautiful, perfect design began to contort and birth chaos in our hearts.

IMG_0068“Being certain of this, that no man who gives way to the passions of the flesh, no unclean person, or one who has desire for the property of others, or who gives worship to images, has any heritage in the kingdom of Christ and God.” Ephesians 5:5 bbe

Yes it says, “May He grant you according to your heart’s desire” but that is when it aligns with GOD’s plan to “fulfill all your purpose”.  So this is the challenge that I set before you, as well as myself…  Dig deep.  What are the desires that you have stuffed so deep down into your heart?  Write them down.  Pray about those desires.  Will you victoriously celebrate God’s hand in and over your life and heart? Pray about whether or not GOD’s granting of those desires would not only bring you joy, but ultimately, would it give glory to GOD?  Let us ask more of our Father as a testimony to how much we know he loves us!

“If that’s how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and thrown into the furnace tomorrow, won’t He do much more for you — you of little faith?” Matthew 6:30 HCSB

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